signing off
***
Dear SoE (Songs of Experience) readers,
I just came across a line in Marilynne Robinson’s Gilead which made me put down the book and open my laptop:
“A good sermon is one side of a passionate conversation. It has to be heard in that way. There are three parties to it, of course, but so are there even to the most private thought - the self that yields the thought, the self that acknowledges and in some way responds to the thought, and the Lord. That is a remarkable thing to consider.”
Indeed. For nearly two years now I have been posting my musings on this blog, thinking all the time it was a conversation of two (you and me)….but now I see, now I know, it has been three. You, me, and God. Atheists, of course, will disagree … but to them I ask, “Can you prove God isn’t eavesdropping?”
During the last six months, a patron saint (of sorts :)) in the running community has been sponsoring Songs of Experience. Tom Raynor, of Fleet Feet Sports, Inc., took a chance on SoE as a viable/legitimate venue for advertising. You readers were the specified, target market-audience … runners clicking through, hopefully, on the little Fleet Feet logo at the top right of your computer screen. Apparently, there weren’t enough click-throughs to warrant a continuation of Fleet Feet’s investment, so I will no longer be receiving any compensation for my efforts.
Six months ago this wouldn’t have bothered me. But now it does. As Virginia Woolf explains:
“My aunt, Mary Beton, I must tell you, died by a fall from her horse when she was riding out to take the air in Bombay. The news of my legacy reached me one night about the same time that the act was passed that gave votes to women. A solicitor’s letter fell into the post–box and when I opened it I found that she had left me five hundred pounds a year for ever. Of the two—the vote and the money—the money, I own, seemed infinitely the more important.”
The money is important - for legitimacy. I learned this at the age of 22, fresh out of college, when I signed a sizable contract with New Balance and was able to became a professional runner. Without the money, I would have been merely a passionate hobbyist.
I don’t think I can go back to being a hobby blogger, so I am asking you - and God - in this three-way conversation … is it worth it for me to continue?
I truly don’t know.
signing off for now,
joan nesbit mabe
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Joan, I understand what you mean about your blogging status. I know that I enjoy your blogs, because they are about life, not just running. I appreciate the spiritual insights that you have and the real life insights. I hope that you keep going.
You have enriched my life, I appreciate it! Thank you for that! I hope you keep on, but if not, I am grateful what I have learned from you!
Comment by George - FFSG — 6/5/2006 @ 9:07 am
Joan,
This post reminded me first thing about your “Distant Heroes” article. Its a similar situation and one I think you know more about than many of us so I feel unworthy to advise.
I know this, continuing your comparison, when I see sponsored runners, I do not ask how much they make. I don’t even know if that jersey they are wearing is indicative of a sponsorship or not. I still try to beat them as I do anyone else I am racing and in the end, sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. Their level of sponsorship does not determine their (or my) legitimacy. That is revealed by their conduct and execution in the race.
I did not realize that your blog was sponsored (I find myself able to overlook ads with alarming ease these days) and perhaps that is the case for most of your readers. To me, the legitimacy of your writing is unrelated to your paycheck.
If you no longer want to keep the blog, I understand. But know that the status of your financial backing does not affect the way that I interpret your writing.
Comment by katie — 6/5/2006 @ 2:49 pm
Joan, I have enjoyed your blogs immensely. I endeavored to not clutter up every blog with my own comments; so, necessarily, you probably couldn’t always tell how many of us read. But we’ve all had running friends who moved on, even when we wished they wouldn’t, and for that reason I try to enjoy what time we have together before age, injury, a transfer, or a blog-site shutdown (okay, admittedly a first for this one) ends things.
I will enjoy this if you start up again. I understand if you don’t. Oh, by the way, I probably didn’t know how much it might have helped to click the little fleetfeet icon; if you keep it going a while, I’ll try to hit it several times. Yrs, Eric (in Seattle)
Comment by Eric — 6/5/2006 @ 7:19 pm
I was unaware of the sponsorship connection. I thought you were doing this because you loved running.
If you reconsider, I would come back to read. If you don’t I understand (I think). I did not run for money so I can’t understand that part of it.
But it is your choice. May the roads/trails be kind to you whatever your choice!
This place has been a fun place to stop by and read.
Comment by Steve Sherlock — 6/5/2006 @ 8:05 pm
I’m a constant reader, and enjoy your musing very much. You’re much appreciated.
Comment by don — 6/6/2006 @ 5:56 am
I loved the blog - still do - but I understand the time it takes to keep something like this going.
I will say this:
I read a lot of blogs. Most decent blogs have a few good postings floating around amongst a bunch of random garbage.
Each and every one of your posts was well-written, creative, entertaining and inspirational. You have produced something special here, and if you do decide to sign off, please make sure you keep it documented somewhere.
If this were a book, I would buy it.
Take care Joan,
Jocko
Comment by JOCKO — 6/6/2006 @ 10:26 am
Joan,
I assume, perhaps incorrectly, that Fleet Feet was a regional, rather than national thing. I suspect, that your audience was fairly national, so that’s one factor. As with most things in running, making it pay is tough. I’d suggest you look into Google, it probably won’t be enough, but it will be something. If the blog goes away, I’ll be saddened. You write very well and usually say some insightful things. I hope it continues, even if with less regularity.
Comment by Scooter — 6/6/2006 @ 10:58 am
Hi Joan,
You asked the three-way conversation question, “Is it worth it” to continue. Maybe it’s a four-way conversation, with the fourth party, FF, answering “No”. Maybe for them it wasn’t “worth it”. As a member of the third party, I would like to answer “yes”. As a very recent discoverer of your musings, I enjoyed the way they would make me stop and think about something in the midst of a busy day. Often I would come away with an altered perspective because of this pondering. I really enjoyed the variety of topics. I will be very saddened if they go away. As I think you know, all of the third party is in agreement that the answer is “yes”. Your writing is worth it and I doubt you will stop that whether or not on this blog. I truly hope parties one and two can together find a way to make it happen. I’m not sure I agree with the “money lends legitimacy” idea however. Maybe on the surface it does, but it doesn’t go very deep. Money contaminates legitimacy in my view. Would you rather read a product review from an unpaid consumer or a staff writer from the magazine who accepts advertising dollars from the product manufacturer? Which is more legitimate. Both may be spot on, but I’ll believe one before the other. Does Nike really make the best golf ball in the world, or do they just pay Tiger a lot of money to whack it around? New Balance may be the best running shoe in the world and the one I should try, but I would hope that I make that decision by seeing them on lots of passionate hobbyists instead of a few professional runners, paid to wear them. I have a sponsor that pays me to do science, and that paycheck probably gives the science some legitimacy. But the paycheck doesn’t do anything for the quality of my work. That’s still up to me. I lost my sponsor recently and picked up another one. I sincerely think you will too. This thing you can do, this thing you can do!
Comment by Jimmy B. — 6/6/2006 @ 2:41 pm
Please don’t go.
Comment by Lora — 6/7/2006 @ 6:15 pm
Boy, I sure hope you don’t keep blogging! Why, I begrudge every minute I’ve wasted reading your blog. The only reason I ever came to it was to click on the Fleet Feet icon
Comment by Fat Charlie the Archangel — 6/9/2006 @ 9:58 am
Joan;
I think we’re all just a bit melancholy reading this post. Kind of like a friend who’s moving away and we know keeping in touch won’t be an option.
And to think all that was subconciously being asked of me was to surf off of your inspirations and buy something from Fleet Feet.
Well if it’s money you’re asking why can’t we pay you? We do for subscriptions to the NY Times, or pay for each iTunes we download from the Apple store.
Please don’t leave us out there alone.
Peace be with you to the friend I’ve never met but feel I share common songs and experiences.
Comment by John — 6/9/2006 @ 3:56 pm
I know exactly what you mean, though I hope that you would not decide to stop blogging because there is so much in your words.
I suppose it helps that I was never ever paid for either running or blogging!
Comment by mis_nomer — 6/11/2006 @ 11:36 pm
Erm, that picture of you, that is you saying “hello” rather than “goodbye”, no? It a good pic, by the way.
Comment by mis_nomer — 6/25/2006 @ 10:53 pm
Joan,
I remember watching your win at the XC Nationals in Boston in 1995. I saw then that your were a gutsy runner. My respect for you has blossomed, though, since I have had two children (now 6 and 3) and began to read Song of Experience. I recently finished Woolf’s “A Room of One’s Own” and find it still current and “on-point”. While she advocates for “a room” and “500 a year” for women of talent, she also laments the loss of women’s voices and the sharing of their experiences. I for one would miss hearing your voice through SoE, since (as VW also notes) the true experience is universal for minds that are still open. Thanks for SoE. Behind it, I see a kind, considered, and conscious mind. I hope that you find a way to continue it. Best wishes.
Comment by Jim Terry — 6/27/2006 @ 12:59 pm
Joan, after an amazing animal ran 30:34.49, I was searching again for ‘Go Sha’ and stumbled across this page; reading it with a sense of déjà vu. We’d all like to keep writing. If you go, I wish you the best. I’ll buy the book.
Comment by Ewen — 5/11/2008 @ 6:30 am