going berserk
I am fit to be tied. Like I said before, I currently coach the CC Pacers, a local running club for kids. As is our custom, parents are invited to participate as coaches/helpers, mostly to run along at the back of the pack as “sweepers” so we don’t lose anyone. Well, last week a newly-minted Pacer dad showed up with his 10 and 6 year-old sons and announced that they were to be in the big dog group (despite the fact that the middle dogs would be a better age-appropriate fit for his 6 year-old). “They run 5 miles a day,” he boasted.
Okay, big dogs it is. They handled the pace and distance with no problem on our first outing, but it was the dad who pissed me off … one-stepping me and running up in the front with son #1 when he had no idea where we were going and encouraging none of the other dozen young runners. Son #2 was also up near the front, beet-red and panting in an effort to get his father’s attention. At one point, bitch me barked, “Hey, who’s sweeping? Nobdoy’s back there with the last runner.” Immediately, one of my stalwart moms circled back, “I’ve got it,” she said. But I wasn’t yelling at her! I am wondering if superdad would have treated a male coach thus. Was it sexism that caused such boorishness?
It gets worse. Yesterday, we had a mile time trial at the track. I set it up beautifully (if I do say so myself); I had the kids write down their names and their predicted times based on the 400m and 800m races we had run earlier in the season (and knowing that pacing comes into play). When they crossed the finish line, they were instructed to listen for the time I was calling out - varying from 6:12 to 8:49 - and then record their actual times on the back of their paper.
On your marks, get set, go! 30 kids, middle and big dogs combined, bolted off the line for the 4-lap race. 30 kids and one dad, that is. I was amazed and shocked, dumbfounded and dumbstruck to see superdad pacing son #1 … out in lane 4. The only parent on the track, he looked like Big Bird loping along with the young ‘uns. A cartoon character. Surely he will stop after one lap, I thought, truly aghast. But, NO, he kept on going for another lap, encouraging only his son, “Go get her! You can pass her!” As the children earnestly charged around each turn, I was trying to model (loudly - because “to the hard of hearing you must shout!” said Flannery O’Connor) good Pacer etiquette: “Goooo Pacers. Work together. You look great! Keep pushing. Everyone’s going to break 7:00 today,” etc.
When I realized my indiret message wasn’t getting through to Big Bird, I stepped out into lane 4 after the second lap to face my (now) enemy. “Hey, Dad!” I commanded. “Would you please stop pacing your son. It’s rude to the other runners.” Not to mention illegal. Can you imagine a dad striding out to right field during a baseball game to give his kid some pointers on how to field a grounder? “Keep your glove down, son. Always put your body in front of the ball,” etc. The coach would go berserk, like I did.
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Can you say, “Living Vicariously?” Sexism, maybe, stupidity, definitely!!
That’s why I coach soccer, parents never played it, don’t know nothing about it!
By the way, I told you earlier, I was training for my frist Mini-marathon, I finished it at 1:59:27! I know for someone of your talents, slow, but for me, Priceless! At least until I break it next time!!!
Another by the way, did you meet Chris Lear yet? I am rereading “Running with the Buffaloes” I find it facinating! I almost feel like I know the guys on that team!
Comment by George - FFSG — 5/18/2006 @ 6:28 am
Joan - 1
Big Bird - 0
Comment by Keith — 5/18/2006 @ 8:51 am
I hate cliffhangers…What did Dad do next? I feel so sorry for that kid. I’d go beserk too.
Comment by Anne — 5/18/2006 @ 10:35 am
The truly unfortunate thing is that he is going to make his son loathe running…
Comment by JOCKO — 5/18/2006 @ 11:14 am
There was a happy ending … of sorts. Dad did stop pacing his son but never said a word to me by way of apology or explanation. There was no “Hey, gosh, sorry about that; I didn’t know, etc …” Instead, he was last seen bragging to another coach (male) about how well his sons did in the time trial.
By the way, my daughters ran too!
Sarah Jane, age 12 - 6:39 (predicted time 6:50)
Rosie, age 9 - 7:40 (predicted time 7:43)
Comment by Joan — 5/18/2006 @ 12:08 pm
Nice move, Joan. He doesn’t get it.
Maybe the other kids will pass the word along to his kids. That kind of peer advice can work wonders. How he’ll deal with the feedback from his kids could be interesting.
If not, leading by example, continuing to politely get him to toe the line, and providing the reinforcement to all the kids as you were doing will be the best thing to do.
Good luck! Stay with it, you on the right track!
Comment by Steve Sherlock — 5/19/2006 @ 7:20 am
Good point, Steve.
There’s nothing more powerful than, “Dad, you’re embarrassing me. Get off the track!”
Comment by Joan — 5/19/2006 @ 7:31 am
Joan, I fear being that parent. My son, who’s 7 runs on the team I coach. I know I treat him a bit differently, mostly a higher expectation thing. I don’t run with him on the track, though I’ll shout instructions, etc. When he runs a road race (he’s done a few 5K’s - by his choice), either my wife or I run with him for safety/confidence reasons…I’m not yet comfortable to let him be out of sight in an uncontrolled environment for a long while.
But the pacing issue could be either of two things: a) either the guy is trying to stroke his own ego - and if you have a fairly strong 12 year-old boy, you can probably put an end to that. Just invite him to run a time trial with the kids - 2 miles would probably be best and let the kid beat him, the alternative would be for you to do it yourself, if it is the ego thing, I predict an injury appearing. Few guys with ego trouble will let themselves get beaten by “a girl.” (This approach will be especially effective if he doesn’t know your history - i.e. he sees you as “some woman who coaches”, not an Olympian.)
b) cite the USATF pacing rule, and tell him that he and his child needs to abide by it in practice so he won’t find himself “lost without Dad” in the racing environment.
Comment by Scooter — 5/19/2006 @ 12:32 pm
Joan, we have all seen clueless parents, they are just like regular people
I do wonder however, if you might not have taken him aside and discussed it with him. Many times, people do things and are unaware that they are or of the implications. Now, there is a very good chance that this person would not have appreciated your comments and would take offence, but you would at least have given him the benefit of the doubt.
Comment by George Muenz — 5/19/2006 @ 4:54 pm
In response to Scooter: This guy happens to be faster than Joan currently is. In at least a couple of races he has finished far enough ahead of her that she obviously hasn’t noticed him.
Comment by Dave C. — 5/19/2006 @ 6:47 pm
I echo JOCKO’s observation — the dad will likely always be an overbearing, little-league-style foghorn no matter what his kids participate in, but the young ‘uns almost certainly will have been conditioned to associate running with static by the time they’re in their teens. Running with — or even pacing — your children is one thing, but yapping at them to “…c’mon, BEAT that kid!” is pathognomonic for the sort of assholism that ultimately drives kids to hate competitive sports, even if some of them manage to hide this for a while.
What sucks from the perspective of a youth coach is that it’s all too easy to let one or two bad-egg parents spoil the experience. I was extremely lucky when coaching high-school track and cross-country in that the parents were universaly supportive (in this instance it didn’t hurt that, almost to a one, they were also utterly clueless when it came to all things running.) The one incident that chapped my hide was having a cadre of girls boycott a Thursday practice because it was prom day and they wanted to spend at least five hours on their hair, and then also refuse to show up at 6:30 that morning when I rescheduled the workout (the last before champsionship season) to accommodate these girls and their equally whiny mothers. Oh well, these girls were perennial slackers anyway and ran about 16:00 for the 3200, so it was no big deal. And I digress. Actually I digressed long ago. Oh well, at least that’s off my chest after five full years.
Comment by kemibe — 5/19/2006 @ 8:16 pm
Dave C.
I just searched for a race result from Big Bird. Last year in a race where he beat me head-to-head, he was only 34 seconds faster … Big Bird - aged 32. Me - 43. Now, let’s get real here. When I was 32, my PR was 15:24. This guy ran 17:38 in HIS PRIME.
He is not fast enough to be so arrogant.
Comment by Joan — 5/19/2006 @ 9:03 pm
Joan, I agree completely that he is not fast enough to be arrogant. My comment was just to note that unfortunately Scooter’s suggestion won’t work in this particular case. Those of us whose PRs are distant memories have to come to terms with no longer being able to summon up the speed of old. By coincidence I came across a related article posted today — different sport (cricket) but the same general issue:
http://content-usa.cricinfo.com/cricinfomagazine/content/story/247931.html
Dave C.
Who has never been fast enough (or good enough at anything at all) to be arrogant.
Comment by Dave C. — 5/20/2006 @ 8:06 am
Stupid man. I hope he trips and falls and breaks his haughty nose.
Comment by mis_nomer — 5/21/2006 @ 11:08 pm
I resent the remarks about being “fast enough to be arrogant”. I’m arrogant as heck, and I don’t have to be fast to be that way
…but it really is possible that he simply doesn’t know that what he’s doing isn’t the way to do things. My father never participated in any of my “sports” with me, so I haven’t had a clue how it was done when my kids have participated. My reaction was to sort of hide in the crowd as much as possible, because of my own awareness of my arrogance. Maybe this guy is the scared-shy type, and he’s just trying to overcome that to be the best dad that he can be.
We’ve all got blind sides.
Comment by Fat Charlie the Archangel — 5/22/2006 @ 2:37 pm