songs of experience

Track & Field Olympian, Joan Nesbit Mabe, waxes philosophical... and sometimes wanes.

2/27/2006

what’s for dinner? chicken nuggets (for grown-ups)

Filed under: Joan @ 10:15 pm

Okay, its time for a break from all the esoteric stuff. I have another salad recipe to share!

chicken nuggets

Like most moms, I serve up frozen chicken nuggets with honey mustard every week or so for dinner (I know, I know, they’re mostly bread and preservatives, but my kids eat them and you have to pick your battles). In any given month, you will find several boxes in my freezer with 3 or 4 stray nuggets rattling around. But what’s a body to do with all those orphans? Stick ‘em in the toaster oven on 450 and turn them into tasty crutons for your grown-up spinach salad, that’s what.

Here’s the recipe:

cook to crispy 8-10 frozen chicken nuggets (we like Tyson’s “fun nuggets”)
boil three eggs

while the above is cooking (15 minutes), prepare …

a large bed of fresh, baby spinach
one orange, peeled and cut into bite-sized pieces
1/2 a red onion, sliced thin
3-4 oz. sharp cheddar cheese, cubed

after the eggs and chicken are finished cooking,
slice and combine with the rest of the salad
(you should peel the eggs first though ;))

pour over all:
poppy seed dressing (La Martinique brand) and a few shakes of red wine vinegar.

toss and serve immediately (while the eggs and chicken nuggets are still warm)

Let me know if you try it.
bon appetit!

2/26/2006

an empty verbal game?

Filed under: Joan @ 3:31 pm

beckett
On Friday, I shelled out some serious babysitting dough in order to attend an afternoon seminar at the UNC graduate English department. The name of the talk by Richard Begam (U Wisconsin at Madison) was ‘Beckett’s Kinetic Aesthetics.’ I have long been a Samuel Beckett fan (though I don’t claim to understand him) and I thought this topic sounded particularly interesting. Post-modernist/new historicist academic elite have spent the last umpteen years deconstructing literature by reducing it to the mere expression of two primal human urges (sex and hunger). In speaking of kinetics, I was hoping Professor Begam would bring a third possibly more necessary need to the dissecting table … the basic, human desire for movement.

But, alas, he did not. It was more of the same body talk … with a lot of show-offy “Look at me!” blow-hard questions afterward … however, I did discover something noteworthy (blog-worthy?) as I was reading around in the Beckett section of my Norton anthology afterward:

“Beckett’s work is always stripped, severe, grotesquely comic, and haunted by the theme of nonexistence. He seeks to represent the mind purified down to its last bitter, almost unbearably pure negation - and kept alive simply by the force of that negation.

Fastened to a dying animal, as Yeats said, the mind of a Beckett character seeks constantly to reassure itself of its own existence by developing a brilliant, sterile dialectic of its own. They [the characters] have stories to tell, and as long as they can keep talking, can keep some sort of empty verbal game going, they need not despair of their being.”

Ouch. Is this why we’re all blogging … to keep some sort of empty verbal game going?

Like Fat Charlie, sometimes I want to quit this game.

I read some more in Norton:

“But any sort of comfort or security beyond the absolute minimum eludes them. They take no action [except to hit the "publish" button]*, they preach no doctrine [aside from a doctine of one], they know nothing save their own ignorance [sad, but true], they are kicked and cuffed by society, they stink, they sulk, they snarl at their own disgusting condition [poor, poor bloggers]. And yet [don't you just love the AND YETS!?!] in some dark way, they represent mankind, ‘without the courage to end or the strength to go on’ - as the Beckett narrator of The End describes himself. In clinging to hopelessness as their one hope, they bear witness, as more comfortable folk could not, to the essential holiness of existence.”

*the brackets are mine

2/23/2006

Toccata in D minor

Filed under: Joan @ 5:39 pm

Most sound coaching philosophies start with a goal race and count backwards to the beginning of a training phase. If you periodize your training, you should have several plateaus along the way, with a final peak at the end of a year. My own seasonal system consisted of a summer base phase focusing on mileage with a goal (plateau) road race at the end of August; then a fall hill phase of alternating long and short hills each week, with cross-country nationals as the mid-year goal (NCAA’s in November or open US XC champs, which used to be in December); next came the winter speed training … which is where I radically differ from most coaches, who don’t introduce raw speed-works until the last three weeks of outdoors. The plateau goal at the end of the winter phase was indoor track nationals - usually a shorter race like the mile or 3k. The final phase employed race-specific intervals, mostly on the track, with lots and lots of surges thrown in to the work-outs to simulate racing. My bread and butter in the spring was “split intervals” (I can explain if anyone is interested). The ultimate goal was to run my best race of the year at outdoor nationals (a time and/or place goal I would have set on September 1st), to have all of my physical strength and mental energy peaking on the same day.

Knowing this, imagine what it would be like to have your goal race snatched away from you just one week before you were able to perform. This happened to my middle child, Rosie. One week before her “goal race” equivalent - her year-end piano recital - she fell off the monkey bars at school and nearly-broke her elbow. It was painful for her to use any part of that arm, especially for the powerful fortissimo chords in Toccata in D minor. Her piano teacher planned and then canceled one make-up recital after another, while my Rosie practiced and practiced and practiced some more her recital piece.

There comes a point where if you sharpen the blade too much it will blunt. I was worried that Rosie would never feel the satisfation of a completed cycle - of finishing something she started and of saying, “well done” when it was over. Soooo, I scheduled my own recital for Rosie in our livingroom. I invited the neighbors and a few close friends, printed out programs that the girls decorated, set up chairs all around the piano, and offered home-made lemon meringue pie & coffee afterward.

On Sunday, February 19th - a full 2 months after her scheduled, “official” recital - 8 year-old Rosie banged away with great passion and poise while I took my seat in the corner - admiring her work … and my own (she was going to have her day, dammit, and it was my job to make it happen. Thank goodness I learned all this from running). Dave recorded Rosie’s “goal race” for his mom and dad - who couldn’t make the recital - so I thought I’d share it with you.

Enjoy!

Rosie’s Recital Piece [3MB]

2/21/2006

truth or dare

Filed under: Joan @ 11:04 am

Its time for a little game of “Truth or Dare.” Do you remember playing this in Junior High? We used to play it on road trips at UNC when I was coaching, but we created a silly version called “truth or truth” because there weren’t many interesting dares available in a 14-passenger van (clean ones, anyway). In the authoritative role of coach, I was seldom free to say what I really thought or felt. It’s the same thing with being a parent. I only share what my kids are mature enough to receive.

So, when I was driving sarah jane home from middle school yesterday and told her that my former athlete, Blake Russell (someone she actually knew, someone who babysat for her and whose picture is in our photo albums) won cross-country nationals … my 12 year-old said, “Does that make you jea … er, uh … proud?” She was about to say “jealous.” She, too, was checking her words - maybe sharing only what her mother is mature enough to receive. “Heck yes, I’m proud!” I said and then went on to praise Blake’s work ethic, and her focus, and how she was one of the few girls I coached who truly became a student of the sport, etc. I glanced in the rearview mirror to see a slight smile - maybe even a sneaky smile - break across her face. “That’s great,” she said. Safe.

I should have told Sarah Jane the truth. I am both proud AND jealous. When I first started coaching Blake I thought of her as simply the pretty girl on the team, the walk-on with great clothes and perfect hair. I didn’t see her at all. I missed the essentials. I think it was easier for me (lazy) to classify her as a type and then carry on with the business of coaching the serious, scholarship athletes. She was the last person I thought would go on to become a professional runner …

… but then something changed - in me as a coach? in Blake as a runner? I will never forget the day we sat down on the curb outside of a hotel room the night before a meet. The rest of the team was hanging out, watching TV, taking their time getting dressed for dinner. Blake never took that long to get ready (yet another sign I missed - no vanity there) so we were the only two outside. She asked me point-blank, almost saying I-dare-you-to-tell-me, “What can I do to get better?” Besides the work-outs and the morning runs and lifting and everything else she did exactly as I prescribed (she even bought and ate broccoli!), Blake wanted to know what more she could do. Her appetite for improvement was voracious. I advised her to totally immerse herself in the world of running - to read everything she could get her hands on and to commit herself - mind, body, and soul - to becoming a runner, not just someone who runs.

After that, Blake pr’d every race out. She took the reigns of her own running destiny and never looked back. It was a joy to behold!! Now, here’s the hard part to tell … the truth or truth part … as my career was winding down, Blake’s was taking off (rocketing!) and I saw myself being replaced. Just like moms and daughters. It took me a few years to face this ugliness in myself and its difficult to write now, but I don’t want this blog to be another area where I have to keep an authoritative distance. If I take myself out of the equation (the way Jesus would do, yes?) I feel nothing but great love and pride in Blake’s success (I may be her biggest fan). My human side, however, the one my sarah jane knows oh-so-well, did feel that twinge of jealousy … that fear of replacement … maybe even the taste of death.

2/20/2006

a tarheel born and a tarheel bred

Filed under: Joan @ 9:01 pm

Former Tar Heel, Blake Phillips Russell, just won her first national title (in cross-country).

Congratulations!!

blake russell

We’re all proud of you, Blake.
Keep it rolling at worlds!!

2/19/2006

“My hope is for the heart to strive forever.” -Joan Benoit Samuelson

Filed under: Joan @ 12:50 pm

Daniel’s comment makes me so happy … and satisfied … that the idea screaming in my head while I was viewing the tape of Bob Schul’s gold medal run (in his livingroom) is finally coming to fruition. “Every young distance runner in America needs to see this!” I thought - then said, aloud to Bob. Maybe he realized on his own the 1964 Tokyo race footage is a national treasure and decided to take the time to make it available to the public, but I like to think my insistence may have put the bug in his ear. At 38, when I interviewed Schul, I was too old to use the inspiration directly in my racing career. Unlike “collegiate runner” Daniel, I was way past my prime. The race footage that changed my life when I was a college kid probably sounds cliche now … but I’ll tell it anyway.

The summer of 1984, my car was packed and ready to drive back to grad. school from my parents home in Atlanta - a 6 1/2 hour drive. It was a Sunday morning and my folks, uncharacteristically, had the TV on (because it was The Olympics). I had run in the 3,000m Olympic Trials in Los Angelos earlier that summer, but I wasn’t the track geek I am now so I didn’t really care all that much who won the marathon. I remembered that Joan Benoit (our best US runner) made the team despite a 7 week-long knee injury and I knew the legendary Grete Waitz was the runaway favorite. I thought it would be a boring race, so my plan was to watch the start and then drive north to chapel hill.

When I saw the women line up to run the first EVER Olympic marathon, I was too self-centered (what 22 year-old isn’t?) to comprehend the historical magnitude of this event. I was more concerned with making it back to school in time to run MY little 5 miles before dark. Hmmm, where would I stop for coffee? Could I make it all the way without a nap? What a spiritual lightweight I was! Yuk.
Anyway, when the inaugural gun went off and Grete’s lanky, dominating presence dictated the pack’s every move for the first few miles, I stood up from the edge of the couch, with my keys in hand, and went to say good-bye to my mom and dad … until, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of some short, nearly-chubby woman - with a white cap on her head and a too-big running singlet - bolt into the lead. What the?!

I saw the now-famous moment when Benoit glanced back over her shoulder to Grete and her followers, as if to say, “Who’s coming with me?” No one. No one was brave enough (crazy enough?) to strike out for gold with all that LA sun beating down on the interstate and without the benefit of the pack’s synergy. I dropped my keys, sat back down, and watched - riveted.

At mile 3 - with 23.2 miles remaining - Joan Benoit (now, Samuelson) looked back just that once and never again. She didn’t need to. It was Joan against herself from that moment on. With every purposeful stride, her race … which was an epiphany for me … celebrated the quintessential difference between one racing to be the best and another racing to be her best. Sometimes your best is the best, maybe even the best in the whole wide world … but that’s not the point.

Years later, I read Benoit’s own words, “My hope is for the heart to strive forever.” Well, Joanie, my same-named friend, my hero … that summer’s day, way back in 1984, your striving heart inspired and changed me forever.

2/17/2006

Filed under: Joan @ 11:41 am

nb trail shoes
KC and JP’s comment inspired (shamed?) me into ordering a pair of New Balance trail shoes whose profile reads:
“The New Balance 1100 ultimate trail running shoe developed for extreme off-road conditions.”

I wore them this morning on a pretty tame trail (hardly an extreme off-road experience) and I have to say I love them! It felt like I had fat mountain bike tires on my feet. I was able to cruise over ever bump and rock without feeling a thing. These shoes have some seriuos shock absorption. There is a velcro strip around the top of the ankle that seems gimicky, but it really does make your foot feel secure on the trail. It was designed to keep debris out - but, as I said, I wasn’t on an extreme trail so the only debris I encountered was some trail dust or maybe a blade of grass or two. Were I a princess, I might have felt that “pea” had it not been for my ultimate NB 1100’s.

So, JP and KC, I’m official now.

2/16/2006

a simple twist of fate?

Filed under: Joan @ 12:17 pm

Remember the guy I wrote about who wore the weighted vest on all his runs? Well, by some cosmic turn of events (is a “twist of fate” ever really simple, Mr. Dylan?) Alex L’Heureux has asked me to coach him. Over the years I have been approached by countless runners needing a coach. I have always said “no” because of time - and energy - constraints. Let’s face it, most elite (or even pretty good) runners are high-maintenance people. I have all I can handle maintaining the household and children, writing, running, coaching seejanerun and my group of Team Wednesday guys/John Hinton’s group. If anyone wants to jump in on some intervals with Hinton-dog, fine, but my taking on a runner who needs one-on-one time at the track or on the phone or over coffee is a thing of the past … at least I thought it was.

Alex gave me permission to print his e-mail request on my blog. Here it is:

Hello Joan,
how are you? O.k,…this is a little CRAZZY but here I GO. I have two years until 2008 as you know, and I need to get in gear big time!!! My dad and I decided that he knew too little about the training aspect of it all and that I would need to find someone to coach me who knows their stuff. I have a clear goal Joan, and this is it: 2006- Run 3:40 1500m or a 3:59 mile and qualify for the Canadian Cross team. 2007- run 3:38 or a 3:57 mile (win nationals and also qualify for Canadian cross).- 2008- run 3:36 in the 1500m and make the Olympics. My DAD no longer believes in me and I’m now the only person who believes in myself, but I guess that’s the most important now isn’t it?! well, I am a realistic person however and I know that I can’t do what is written in this letter without someone to help me . . . someone who can take my body, my strength and will power, and turn it into an unbeatable machine. Joan, I think you’re the only one who can do this. Do you think you can send me to the olympics in Beijing? And most importantly, are you interested? I have an idea of how this could work but I don’t want to overwhelm you with all this because I know you have a family and that caoching me might not be effortless. However, if you choose to do this, who will have my 100% cooperation and you will be the sole decider of all my training and racing. I will leave it to you. If you do choose to train me, I not only am sure that I will make the Olympics but actually perform in them as well. I would also find a way to pay you for your coaching if I run 3:40 this year. Sleep on it and let me know. Regardless, I wish you and your family nothing but the best and have a wonderful new year. bye bye
~Alexandre l’heureux

What would you have done if you received a letter like this?

Here’s what I wrote back:

Date: Tue, 3 Jan 2006

Dear Alex,
The delay in my reply is not due to disinterestedness.
I have been taking some time to ponder your proposal.
My first thoughts are mostly questions: why did your dad give up on you? why aren’t you running with the State guys since you are in raleigh? How fast are you in the 4oom? How fast were you as a kid? What are your PR’s? Why do you want to keep running? What’s your favorite book? Movie? Are you creating any art right now? Are you injury-prone? What kind of mileage can you handle? Would you be willing to drive to Chapel Hill every Wedndsday evening to train? Etc., etc. You see, I haven’t coached any serious athletes for quite some time and the only one I coached who ever became “world-class” was me .. and a kid named Nick Winkel whom I coached to the world Junior xc champs his freshman year. He later transferred to Wisconscin (a decision I vehemently disagreed with) but I had already left UNC at that time. I regret not being able to coach Nick longer - he had the right mix of creative expression and talent. Like you, I suspect. Do you believe you are world class? I don’t think its worth making the commitment to the work load and nearly-insane intensity unless you know in your heart you are one of the best in the world. I knew this about myself, but no one else believed it … so I had to coach myself.

I was lost in the wilderness once as a runner and an old coach from England (now deceased) agreed to coach me overseas via snail mail. He said, “As I see it, I can’t help but be touched by you.” I think he felt sorry for me - like some stray mutt that he was going to take in and feed for awhile .. but I took my chance and soaked in all the learning I could before I set out on my own. I never really thanked him before he died; perhaps now’s my chance.

2/14/2006

seen and known and safe

Filed under: Joan @ 11:53 am

My friend, Marion, sent me this quote from her Mr. Rogers’ calendar today:

“Fred Rogers February 14th…
As a relationship matures, you start to see that just being there for each other is the most important thing you can do, just being there to listen and be sorry with them, to be happy with them, to share all that there is to share.”

We had been talking about the ethereal quality of most modern relationships. Because of cell phones and the internet and the illusion that people on television screens actually care about us (my sister seriously thinks Oprah will solve all her problems if she write her a letter … but she’s saving that for a last resort), physically being there is a rarity. We drive around in our sound-proof booths (cars with tinted windows); we shop for most of our goods on-line without ever having to speak to another human being; meetings are held through conference calls; e-mail lists serve as group reunions; family gatherings are replaced with photo-shares. Just the other day I did a Google search to see what my nephew, Josh, looks like because I haven’t been with him, in person, for years (he’s a soccer player at Stanford, so I checked out their media guide and, sure enough, there he was … all grown and handsome).

As I sit here in the comfort of my home, fully enjoying the “modern” convenience of electronic communication, I can’t help lamenting the loss of old-fashioned get-togethers. I remember my mother meeting all the other ladies on the street every day at our group-mailbox - there were six in a row. My mom was often in her robe (they called them “house coats” back then) and a pair of rubber boots (easy to slip on, I guess). There, they would catch each other up on the happenings in their daily lives (Susan’s home sick, chicken pox is going around, Arty might need to have surgery) or neighborhood gossip (did Johpne and Larry really have an “open marriage”?) or plan coffee and bridge dates later in the week. They might not have been close friends or confidants in any lasting way (we moved, after a few years, to a house with our own singular mailbox) but those ladies meant somthing to my mom - and to me, who felt safe on a street with 5 other grown-ups whose names I knew, whose faces I saw every day, whose yards I played in, and in whose kitchens I drank cherry kool-aid.

I think running communities serve a similar purpose. Few American families still have kin living in close proximity; young people leave home for college and never return. We break from our first families and become “independent” without realizing the flipside of independence is isolation. For my entire adult life (and maybe even before, if you count my high school XC team) I have found/chosen/created an intentional family through running that has helped me feel seen and known and safe. Currently, my running brothers and sisters are the Trailheads and seejanerun, but at any given time in my life, it was always a running friend - out there on the trails or track or road, with real-life flesh and blood and sweat - “who was there to listen and be sorry with me, to be happy with me, to share all that there is to share.”

Thank you, Marion.

2/12/2006

quick race report

Filed under: Joan @ 9:45 pm

John Hinton-Dog ran 4:13.54 on Friday. A rabbit took him through the half at a dead-on 2:06 and then John had to run completely alone for the next four laps … so, dropping another 2+ seconds is fine work. He only has 2.6 seconeds more to cut - and on a banked track at Virginia Tech. he should be able to do it. Look for the final indoor chapter in John’s quest for 4:10.9 on March 4th.

2/10/2006

4:10.9 ?

Filed under: Joan @ 10:20 am

Tonight’s the night … well, one of two nights (there’s a final meet on March 4th at Va. Tech), where 43 3/4 year-old John Hinton will attempt to break the US National indoor record in the masters mile. Three weeks ago, John opened with a wire-to-wire leading 4:22; two weeks ago he dropped his time to 4:15 by battling some young whippersnappers whose pride wouldn’t let them lose to an “old guy.” Also, they were from State (booo … hiss!). If there’s a decent field tonight, and John doesn’t go out too hard (sub-60 is hamstring-risking territory for geezers) he might just sneak under that elusive 4:11.0 mark.

The current record was set by Bill Stewart way back in 1983. West coast masters’ phenom, Tony Young (for those of you who are internet savvy, on-line he is known as “The Old Man by the Sea”) is to John Hinton as Landy was to Bannister back in 1954 … two driven runners, living in separate spheres of the world, both trying to be the first to run the time.

But why should we care? Its nothing like the history-making battle over the first sub-4:00 mile. Times have gotten so fast in the last 50 years that there were 11 guys under four flat in one race alone last week (Reebok Boston). 4:11.0 is meaningless … or is it?

It means something to John … and to me who coaches John, and to all of John’s friends and fans who have followed his steadfast career. It means something to Tony not-so-Young and to all of his admirers who see him as a Quixotic symbol of striving. What sort of mad-man does all-out 300m sprints in his 40’s?!

In reality, only a handful of bystanders will even notice John Hinton’s race tonight. He will run along somewhere in the middle of the pack of college boy-wolves and will faithfully hit his splits . . . waiting, watching, moving up as need be. Around 1,100m, he will smash into that wall of pain (that is, oh-my-God, SO much harder when you are 40 than when you are 20 years old) and he may or may not break on through to the other side. But … and here is what matters, people … he will try.

4:10.9 means something.

john and tony

Next is a podcast from John’s 4:15 effort two weeks ago. I recorded it in UNC’s “tin can” before, during, and after the race. I am embarrassed by my own screechy voice after the gun goes off, so you may want to fast forward from the 4:00-8:15 minute mark. The last 3 minutes are the best.

Interview with John Hinton [14:30]

2/8/2006

more tree art

Filed under: Joan @ 8:13 am

tree platter

Uwharrie gives out great awards, by the way. Above is a photo of one of tree platters from Seagrove potter, Michael Mahan, that is similar to the ones he was commissioned to make for the top prizes at Uwharrie (ours were square platters). Notice the trees etched, (carved? imprinted? What’s the proper term for this?) on the outside. I like what Mahan had to say about trees on his website:

“My latest work involves trees. I grew up drawing them. I’ve always loved trees, especially bare trees. Leafless, old trees. There was something mystical about a lone tree standing in a field of grass. I remember a tree in the Florida Keys, rising out of shallow water in some salty lagoon. It had died long ago, but its skeleton remained standing. The ancient Celts loved trees. They saw them as a source of wisdom and hope, an enduring link between the upper and lower worlds, a reminder of the eternal cycle of seasons.”

When I start getting all sentimental about trees, I am reminded of the only Dr. Seuss book I can stand to read aloud (that uber-rhyming drives me nuts): The Lorax. Remember, “I am the Lorax; I speak for the trees!”?

The Lorax (Classic Seuss)

In no time at all, I had built a small shop.
Then I chopped down a Truffula Tree with one chop.
And with great skillful skill and with great speedy speed,
I took the soft tuft. And I knitted a Thneed!

The instant I´d finished, I heard a ga-Zump!
I looked.
I saw something pop out of the stump
of the tree I´d chopped down. It was sort of a man.
Describe him?…That´s hard. I don’t know if I can.

He was shortish. And oldish.
And brownish. And mossy.
And he spoke with a voice
that was sharpish and bossy.

Mister! he said with a sawdusty sneeze,
I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees.

(more…)

2/7/2006

way too ambitious

Filed under: Joan @ 10:50 am

I managed to track down a copy of George Sheehan’s Running and Being (thanks, Bobby). I have only had time to read the table of contents so far. Sad, isn’t it? I keep saying, “when Lizzie’s in kindergarten” I’ll do such-and-such … like get a PhD in literature, or build a screened-in porch, shop at the whole foods store and cook gourmet meals for my husband, collect CDs (that aren’t scratched or sticky with sour patch candy), take up tennis again (hey, I made it to States in high school), write a one-act play, paint a mural, plant daffodil bulbs all over the yard, make a documentary of a girls’ cross-country team, travel across the United States on a motorcycle, hike the Appalachian Trail (or parts, thereof), get my hair cut at a real appointment rather than at one of those walk-in joints, etc.!

Etcetera!!! A (young) woman friend of mine said the other night that she, and her peers, weren’t going to have children until much later because they were “way too ambitious.” I’ve been thinking about this statement and how I should have responded - but didn’t, out of a sense of tact that comes with age … and time in the trenches. What I should have said was I am voraciously ambitious. My ambition was insatiable in the 16 years I spent trying to make an Olympic team and it has burned fiercely in the 12 years I have spent trying to become a world class mother. It is so easy to typecast a woman as “unambitious” if you see her schlepping a kid in a shopping cart at the grocery store or pushing a swing at the park. If my young friend saw a dad doing either of these things she would think, “Oh, how sweet. Isn’t it wonderful to see a man spending quality time with his child.” Yet, when that same young woman sees a mom doing this, she is judgemental and condescending … and, in my not-so-humble opinion, ignorant of the facts of life. If you decide to have children, SOMEone has to stay home and do the real work of taking care of a living, breathing, growing, changing creature day in and day out. It takes a gargantuan amount of ambition to do this work well. Believe me, if I were LESS ambitious I would have gotten a job long ago.

Here are most of George Sheehan’s chapters in Running and Being:
1.) Living
2.) Discovering
3.) Understanding
4.) Beginning
5.) Becoming
6.) Playing
7.) Learning
8.) Excelling …. Winning, Losing, Suffering, Meditating, Growing, Seeing

… all things a runner, and a mother, must master if she is ambitious.

2/4/2006

Maybe next year.

Filed under: Joan @ 7:49 pm

Uwharrie Course Elevation

My husband, Dave, and I just regained our crowns as Uwharrie Mountain Run 8-mile champions. Of course, we both know this is the wimpy race - Uwharrie also offers a 20 and a 40-miler. Entering the eight is sort of like choosing to race the fun run (with the wee ones) in a road race. On the ride back home after the race, we decided we can’t really call ourselves trail runners until we finish a race long enough to require a fuel belt. Also, we don’t have the requisite gear. Neither of us own trail shoes (much less trail racing shoes, like the new Inov8 that Dave’s friend, Jason, was sporting on the start line). We don’t own any shorts with fancy, secret compartments - nor do we have the goo to put in them. We’ve never purchased a powdered drink mix (unless you count TANG when I made Russian Tea for Christmas one year) and the only wick-away shirts we have are the ones we get in our race packets.

I guess we’re just a couple of leftover cross-country runners. Inevitably, every year one of us will throw out the idea of running the 20-miler. We’re warm and dry in the car, heading out of the forest, our bellies full of trail mix and fig newtons … and we remember those 20-mile runners still have a dozen hills left to climb. The 40-milers have 6 more hours of daylight to complete. “Maybe next year,” we say, but both know we’ll stick to the wimpy race.

When I asked Dave why he prefers the 8 to the 20 or 40, he said, “I’d rather run fast than far.” Ideally, I’d want to run fast AND far … but there just aren’t enough hours in the day. We had to be back home in time for our 8 year-old’s YMCA basketball game. It was picture day. I guess the most important qualification for being a hard-core trail runner is time.

Maybe next year.
Inov8

2/3/2006

living in a mansion

Filed under: Joan @ 11:28 am

Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety

I am currently indulging in this book by Judith Warner, whose subtitle reads, “Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety.” As my college friend from West Virginia used to say, “Ain’t that the truth?!” One passage, in particular, made it all the way to dog-ear status. My system of marking in books - NOT library books, of course - is complicated and revealing. If I haven’t fully committed to a line or passage, I will merely put a dot with my pen in the margin. I prefer to mark with pens, because in my house of kids’ homework there is seldom a sharpened pencil. Next is the dash, which means I may go back and re-read it later, but not necessarily. Another non-committal mark. Then there’s the decisive check. This signals a keeper, but not a quoter. After that is an exclamation point or the word “yes,” (also “No!,” which is actually a positive marking b/c the author stirred me up). I sometimes put people’s initials or names in the margin - as living examples of the vice or virtue described (or, simply, when a memory is triggered). Next is the bold, straight line drawn down the side of the margin selecting an entire paragraph. Definitely quotable material. I used to underline, but I think this makes the text look messy. I might underline just one word … like in Warner’s book I underlined “playpen” because its so controversial.
At the top of my rating system is the star - I gave up smiley faces when a friend teased me after borrowing one of my books. And above the star is the dog-ear. After I finish a book, I go back to the beginning and re-read every page that was dog-eared as a review, of sorts, and to lock in the information or inspiration I received. At the risk of revealing too much … :) … I should add, if I am reading without a pen, I will score the page with a fingernail. I then have to hold the book at an impossible angle while squinting with one eye to be able to find any of those marks.
So, now that you know my system, here is what I dog-eared in Perfect Madness:

“As the psychologists who treated them in the 1960’s knew, depression often is the province of women who make their kids thier life’s work. There’s something sad and scary about losing yourself, particularly when it stands your life’s ambitions on their head.

One woman I spoke with, a painter, whose dreams of a life as an artist had taken a backseat to her husband’s career, tried to articulate this. She was a person who’d pretty much had everything: a wonderful education, a wonderful husband, a nice big house, two children, full-time help. Still, she wondered, over dinner, why her life felt so joyless, where her life had gone, when was the last time she’d had a truly interesting conversation.

Of course, she said, bringing up her children was now her great creative act. It was the greatest creative act anyone could ever hope for really, and she wouldn’t give it up for the world, she said, but “What happens when you look back at these years and say, ‘Where is the body of work?’” she asked, her voice cracking.

There was a long silence then. The molding and making and sculpting and creating of the children’s lives did, of course, amount to a body of work, she said, gesturing elegantly. But then her hands fell flat to her sides.”

Being a runner has helped me with this mother’s dilemma. You see, there is no body of work for a runner either. Like motherhood, running is a transient art. That’s what makes it so beautiful if you ask me. I guess there are medals and trophies and record times to keep, but really the race is its own reward. That same friend from West Virginia also mused, “If I spent as many hours building a house as I have running miles, I’d be living in a mansion now!”

Ahhh, but I believe I DO live in a mansion, friend. All those miles helped build it.
And you can *STAR* that!!

2/1/2006

One = The Bell Lap

Filed under: Joan @ 3:19 pm

Serious runners are strange creatures. I cannot pass a digital bank clock without automatically thinking of some time it corresponds to in my running life. 3:02 isn’t 3:02 in the afternoon, but my goal time for 5 X 1,000m with 300 jog recovery (back when I was fast). A speed limit sign, like 25 mph, only triggers my crazy brain to think of 25 laps in a 10k. Speed limit 35? 35 seconds in repeat cruise 200’s. 40? Phone booths to Boston (Don Kardong’s book). Even some random number, say 4 ½, is meaningful to a racer – that is the point in a 10k when you enter the pain zone. Pick a number, any number, and I can’t NOT give you a running connection to it.

Calendars are no different than clocks for me. In my “elite” running days, every month signified a race or running event. December wasn’t the month of Christmas, but cross-country club nationals. The 4th of July wasn’t about barbeque and fireworks; it was the day I raced down Peachtree’s steamy street in Atlanta. March was indoor nationals or world cross, not green beer in an Irish Pub (well, maybe after the race!). June was US track nationals, August was Falmouth, September, October, and November were the months I put in the hills and miles and limited-recovery intervals. Those were my bread-and-butter months. January was for starting a new running log and setting new racing goals. I never even went to a New Year’s Eve party in all the years I was a serious athlete.

So, now, as I sit down to write in this month of valentines, I am no longer elite and I am pondering what February means. I used to be in a scratchy state of anxiety for much of the month. The world cross-country trials were in February; would I make the team, make the grade and be classified as “world class?” Or would I end up merely an “also ran” in the race results? Often this one race determined the status of your shoe contract and sponsorship deal. This one race either catapulted you into a spring season of smart training, fast times, and prize money finishes … or it sent you plummeting into an over-training hole because you were determined to prove you’re better than that bad race. February was a make or break month.. Back then.

What about now? In my new non-elite persona, February means my favorite trail race in the Uwharrie national forest. It means making home-made valentine’s day cards after school with my children. And it means I’ll check the cross-country trials race results on-line, with no anxiety whatsoever, to see who made the US team.

p.s. In case you’re worried about me living in an OCD nightmare, 3:02pm is now the time my Rosie gets off the bus and 4 ½ is how old Lizzie turned on December 26th. Heck, I may even go to a New Year’s Eve party this year!

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