songs of experience

On the first day of seejanerun I always ask an ice-breaking question, then we go around the circle one at a time to answer it. One year I asked, “What is your favorite body part” (because most people are quick to point out their LEAST favorite … “my nose is too big” or “I hate my thighs” or “I always wear boots to hid my hideous cankles” (calves that go straight down to the feet). I’d rather hear what people love about themselves.

Another season I asked them to name one thing they are proud of outside of being mom [the answers varied from publishing a chapter in a medical textbook to climbing a beanstalk at a children's museum].

This fall I asked my seejanerunners to offer a bit of advice they would give a new mother/parent. Here is what we came up with:

Advice for new moms

Let the dishes go and the laundry pile up and play more with your kids. It shouldn’t just be the dad who gets to have all the fun.
“Drink and get lots of babysitters … no, seriously, cherish your children while they’re young.
After wondering if she was ever as bad as her 11 year-old daughter, this mom said, “Relax!”
Even though her boys are really cute, she wants to remember she is raising men.
Don’t be afraid to get dirty with your children.
“Be open to new (different than you started with) dreams for your children based on their unique strengths and interests.”
Spend time with each of your children individually.
This Jane didn’t want to give advice (because too many people tried to give her advice!) but she does have a great recipe for diaper rash.
Humor … even in the midst of meltdowns.
“If you are always selfless, where is the self?” she said, then showed us the Three Martini Playdate book.
“Enjoy each phase as it comes. This mom’s 5th grader said, “He’s not going to Iraq” when she was worried about her son going to college this fall.
“Smell your children’s heads.”
Make sure that your husband (the dad) spends time alone with his children. Walk out the door and say, “Buh-bye now. Mommy’s got to work.”
Be a friend to your teenager so they will have someone to talk to.
As a brand new mom, this Jane hyper-worried about whether or not her 4 ½ month old was rolling over soon enough but now realizes children all grow up in their own time.
“It’s okay to let go of control. Your kids will see that life goes on if you’re 10 minutes late.”
“After your last child, get the big “V” (fingers raised) and prioritize your marriage.”
“This works in all relationships, but especially with your husband and children: Listen.”
This mom wants to raise her children so that other people will want to be around them. Discipline is key.
Take advice from “as many people as possible” and listen to what they have to say.
“Find a network of good, supportive people and get the bad ones off your back.”
“Welcome to the secret society of happiness,” said this loquacious Jane.