The New Mystique
How many of you out there have ever heard of “The Feminine Mystique“?
-from wikipedia:
“The Feminine Mystique is a book written by Betty Friedan, published in 1963.
The Feminine Mystique came about after Betty Friedan sent a questionnaire to other women in her 1942 Smith College graduating class.
Most women in her class indicated a general unease with their lives. Through her findings, Friedan hypothesized that women are victims of a false belief system that requires them to find identity and meaning in their lives through their husbands and children.”
Although women have come a long way (baby) since 1963, I would like to suggest that we are now living in an era of The New Mystique. It’s true, women no longer find their identity and meaning strictly through their husbands and children … but, if you have children you KNOW that your life’s energy is devoted to them (either by working in the home taking care of them, or working outside the home to pay for someone else to take care of them). I believe the new mystique we are all operating under is the “false belief system” that parenthood is supposed to be easier - and more fulfilling - now that we’re all so liberated and enlightened (husbands and fathers, too). Well, sister, this ain’t the case. Parenthood is harder than it was in 1963 because those VERY women who were of the generation that responded to Betty Friedan’s questionnaire have decided to forego the responsiblilties of grandmothering. We modern mothers are raising our children alone because our mothers have “BTDT” (been there, done that) and want no part of that “general unease” again.
It takes a village to raise a child because Grandma’s out finding herself.
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I suspect that one hits a nerve, because a fair number of us with young children have grandparents who aren’t exactly falling all over each other to lend a hand. But this has been a chronic condition for many of us. Which leads me to ask: did something just happen? It sounds like a new, raw nerve in the Nesbit-Mabe orbit.
Comment by Eric Gierke — 6/20/2005 @ 4:31 pm
Eric, you are wise to ask “did something just happen?” Actually, it is more like the straw that broke the camel’s back. In this group of moms I run with, I have been conducting my own informal interviews over the years (perhaps a future book?) and I keep hearing the same story over and over about their/our absentee mothers. On a long run the other day we started theorizing about WHY this is the case. Of course, I thought of my own mother traveling around the world on her cruises yet missing piano recitals and first communions and baptisms and birthday parties. She never left the neighborhood when she was raising us - so, of course, she wants to see the world (like I did in my 20’s when I was traveling all over for races). It wasn’t until this summer, when I went to buy tampons for my eldest, that I realized my mother has missed it all. The “raw nerve” you mention is that I had hoped to share my daughters with my own mother more. Its almost over, really, and I am sad that all of our mothers don’t want more of what I consider essential in life.
Please tell me of your experiece as a parent.
curious,
joan
Comment by Joan — 6/21/2005 @ 7:54 am
My own boys, aka the wrecking crew, are 10 and 7. They are a handful.
Overall, I suspect the grandparent phenomenon in part reflects greater wealth and options for the seniors. At one time, a quorum of seniors (classically a widowed mother-in-law) had to move in with their children. This generated a lot of unpleasant sit-com fodder; I suspect we can all be grateful our parents aren’t THAT involved in the kids lives. The current batch of grandparents seems to enjoy keeping their distance a bit more. That is perhaps understandable, but also something of a loss. My running-partner is a new grandfather (also faster than I am), I’ll be sure to ask where he stands on this in the coming year.
Run well, Eric
Comment by Eric — 6/21/2005 @ 11:16 pm