songs of experience

As a child, I once played this personality game with my family. You were supposed to name your favorite animal along with three adjectives to describe it, then name your favorite color with three adjectives. I chose the fast, free, loving race-horse and bright, glaring, cheerful yellow.

What did all this mean in the game? The animal was to be how I think of myself and the color meant how I projected myself or how others perceived me.

In considering what I wanted to say about myself for a writing assignment I gave the Janes, I remembered this game and how revealing it was [and IS] of my split personality. I still think of myself as fast (for an old gal) and free (ever the non-conformist) and loving (I fear I love TOO much sometimes), but I must confess I am not really the yellow person I project publicly.

If I am bright, it is reflected brilliance from God, I believe. My inner self left to its own devices - is drawn to dark dark places in literature, life, and people.

I know I come across as glaring and over-bold, but that is to mask my natural tendencies toward introversion. I often refer to myself as a closet introvert.

And as for my cheerfulness, well I work work work at being an optimist (which is not really an optimist at all, now is it?). Deep down, my favorite color is midnight blue.

In literature class, teachers often talk about the conflict of “appearance vs. reality.”
I may appear to be a peppy, bossy, alpha-wolf, jock, queen bee, attention-seeking bitch but in reality, I am a pessimistic, hardworking, sadness-battling, book-nerdy, joy-seeking, member-of-the-pack (of bitches :)).