songs of experience

Track & Field Olympian, Joan Nesbit Mabe, waxes philosophical... and sometimes wanes.

2/28/2005

extreme happiness

Filed under: — Joan @ 10:29 pm

Like most English-major geeks, I make notes in the margins of books. This week I read a poem by Jane Kenyon and wrote the names of my three dauthers (Sarah Jane, Rosie, and Lizzie) next to the line, “happiness saved its most extreme form for you alone.”

Happiness

“There’s just no accounting for happiness,
or the way it turns up like a prodigal
who comes back to the dust at your feet
having squandered a fortune far away.

And how can you not forgive?
You make a feast in honor of what
was lost, and take from its place the finest
garment, which you saved for an occasion
you could not imagine, and you weep night and day
to know that you were not abandoned,
that happiness saved its most extreme form
for you alone.

No, happiness is the uncle you never
knew about, who flies a single-engine plane
onto the grassy landing strip, hitchhikes
into town, and inquires at every door
until he finds you asleep midafternoon
as you so often are during the unmerciful
hours of your despair.

It comes to the monk in his cell.
It comes to the woman sweeping the street
with a birch broom, to the child
whose mother has passed out from drink.
It comes to the lover, to the dog chewing
a sock, to the pusher, to the basket maker,
and to the clerk stacking cans of carrots
in the night.
It even comes to the boulder
in the perpetual shade of pine barrens,
to rain falling on the open sea,
to the wineglass, weary of holding wine. ”

2/20/2005

appearance versus reality

Filed under: — Joan @ 1:42 pm

As a child, I once played this personality game with my family. You were supposed to name your favorite animal along with three adjectives to describe it, then name your favorite color with three adjectives. I chose the fast, free, loving race-horse and bright, glaring, cheerful yellow.

What did all this mean in the game? The animal was to be how I think of myself and the color meant how I projected myself or how others perceived me.

In considering what I wanted to say about myself for a writing assignment I gave the Janes, I remembered this game and how revealing it was [and IS] of my split personality. I still think of myself as fast (for an old gal) and free (ever the non-conformist) and loving (I fear I love TOO much sometimes), but I must confess I am not really the yellow person I project publicly.

If I am bright, it is reflected brilliance from God, I believe. My inner self left to its own devices - is drawn to dark dark places in literature, life, and people.

I know I come across as glaring and over-bold, but that is to mask my natural tendencies toward introversion. I often refer to myself as a closet introvert.

And as for my cheerfulness, well I work work work at being an optimist (which is not really an optimist at all, now is it?). Deep down, my favorite color is midnight blue.

In literature class, teachers often talk about the conflict of “appearance vs. reality.”
I may appear to be a peppy, bossy, alpha-wolf, jock, queen bee, attention-seeking bitch but in reality, I am a pessimistic, hardworking, sadness-battling, book-nerdy, joy-seeking, member-of-the-pack (of bitches :)).

2/13/2005

what are you proud of?

Filed under: — Joan @ 3:20 pm

I always open the season with an ice-breaking question during circle time. This spring I asked each Jane to name something she was proud of outside of her job or role as mother. Here is what they said:

” … proud of staying close to her high school best friend; proud of climbing the beanstalk at the children’s museum X 2; proud of her boating skills of reading a novel (I am Charlotte Simmons), of becoming a runner from scratch, of taking the GREs in October, of coming back to the Janes, of teaching her 5 year-old piano, of her relationship with her twin sister, of being the oldest Janes, of starting golf lessons in May, of being told she was the best volleyball coach ever, of coming back to the Janes for more torture, of beginning piano lessons, of publishing a chapter in a textbook, of saying “yes” to herself and learning to say “no” to others, of all the wonderful new friends she’s made in 3 years, of teaching herself to do embroidery, of a 6th grader deciding to do track because of her making a difference, of being a good example to her children.”

I am proud of seejanerun … connecting moms through running.

2/4/2005

million $ baby

Filed under: — Joan @ 9:26 am

Last night I saw a nearly-perfect sports movie: Million $ Baby. Its also a great LIFE movie.
My head is still throbbing this morning from all the stifled crying I did in the movie theater. Clint Eastwood captured on film what is nearly impossible to express … the single most important factor needed to acheive athletic greatness … desire. Maggie Fitzgerald’s desire in this movie teetered on the sheer edge of desperation. She regained her balance again and again, with each ice pick jab to the punching bag. And Frankie’s desire, to teach her and to love her into greatness, was King Lear-like in its profound, tragic groping. I ached for these people.
If you are an athlete or a coach (or, simply, a person), this movie will make you want to BE better. This movie will make you want to try and try and try - and fight to the death.
Go see it.

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